A good friend of mine posted in his journal today regarding his opinions of Sen. Obama - to put it briefly, he not only distrusts and dislikes the man, but he doesn't understand his appeal. He alludes to the "ignorant, hope-blinded democrats" and that, "Altogether I am not blinded by his simple rhetorical anesthetic."

I have struggled with how much I want to talk about the current campaigns for president on this journal, and whether I want to engage in dialogue (however virtual) in this time when so many people seem to have such wide-ranging opinions. Given the opinions expressed by this friend and many others (who I don't care so much about), I feel I am risking something of my ego to expose myself completely.

However, I do believe that it is not necessary to agree to have friendship or peace. That the questions, doubts and concerns of others propels me to examine my own positions, opinions and ideals. And I think that's a good thing. For I have no desire to proceed blindly.

In fact, and borrowing language that has already been overused and is somewhat cliche: I hope for it, with so much of my heart.

When I first heard that Sen. Clinton would be seeking the nomination, I was thrilled. Absolutely thrilled. After all, I liked her husband. And as a little girl, I used to dream of being president. A woman president! And perhaps a woman I could be proud of.

I laughed at a friend who was an early supporter of Obama. We argued about who would make the better president. And, what would be the biggest victory: A woman for president, or a man of color?

Many months ago, I strolled through a book store and kept seeing Obama's  book, "The Audacity of Hope." At this point, I still knew nothing of the man, and would have considered myself a Clinton supporter, all the way. But the title of the book haunted me. And I laughed it off...'What does this man mean? Why is he talking about hope? Is he just another politician playing off the weaknesses of others to gain power? How could anyone ever hope to have a good and honest leader of integrity? Our politics are too corrupt for anyone who will really be worth voting for. ' It was then I realized that I had to buy the book. After all, it was now a challenge. Most of me wanted to find the ways in which he was corrupt. A small part of me wanted to find a leader who would be worth voting for.

I must admit that I haven't read the book. But the incident in the book store amused and challenged me, and I began paying more attention to this Obama character.

And then, I saw him speak.

Yes, I know...this is the part where people begin to talk about how his words are meaningless, that we're being fooled by his oratory abilities. Honestly, he's not the best speaker I've ever seen, or the most charismatic. Sometimes he pauses in strange places, and often I find him dull and lacking enthusiasm. However, I am first immesly grateful that he can form complete sentences, whether he's enthusiastic or not.

But back to his speech. I was in Utah, on our trip back to Denver from the west coast. So it must have been around January 2 or 3. We were at a friend's house (shaving her head 'cause she liked mine so much) and the news was playing on the TV. I hadn't ever heard him speak, and was...transfixed. For not only was there here an intelligent man with a positive message of hope and change, but he was surrounded  by men and women of all ages and colors. Was this purposefully arranged to create some ideal of inclusiveness? Probably. But I've been to campaign rallies and speeches, and they were never that well orchestrated. In any case, it got my attention.

I don't know at which point I cried, but I did. I know, I know...some emotion-based reaction; it was simply my perception of who he is or my idealistic desires that clouded my judgement and made me susceptible to manipulation by a powerful fraud.

Oh, wait. Really? 

Sure, I'm emotional, I'm the first to admit it. My emotions are very powerful, and I am overwhelmed by my experience of them. Often my love or fear or anger or pride or sadness or hope rushes like a torrent through my body and renders me unable to stop the tide or do anything but be completely consumed by my feeling. It's quite amazing, really, and I have no idea why or how it happens.

However, I am also extremely distrustful of authority, power, or big speeches. I think it's important to examine the motivations of people seeking any kind of power, and am one of the most cynical people I know when it comes to government and any possibility of positive change inside of it.

So imagine my surprise at being so profoundly moved by the speech. I don't remember where he was or on what subject he was speaking, but I do remember him saying something about 'bringing together red and blue, republican and democrat....' and the response of the people. People excited about unity, about what we share in common, about hope and change?

The first thing I said to Arthur was, "Do you think they'll let him live?" For in that moment, I saw a Leader. Someone capable of gathering such powerful support that it threatens the current power structures and their leaders, who dominate millions of people through fear. I saw someone who was capable of inspiring people, of calling out some of the best parts of ourselves.

And this is where it gets really interesting to me. Because it isn't the man that's causing all of this trouble, or my attention. It's the reaction of people, whether to rally in support of him or to argue against him. Whether you like him or not, or think he's a fraud or not, or believe in him or not, or hate him or not, he is a force to be reckoned with. And he has accomplished this by gathering the support of millions of people.

He has demonstrated by his ongoing and building success that there is something people are responding to. I attended my county caucus in February, and hundreds of people showed up. Four years ago, there were eight people at our precinct caucus. This year, there were forty-five. Half of those people had never attended a caucus before. Three-fourths of them were there to support Obama.

So now, for the benefit of myself and whomever is still reading this, I'm going to cut to the chase and say just a few more things about why I support Obama, and why I mistrust Clinton.

His impeccable record: Yes, really. Show me where he has lied or been inconsistent. Show me evidence of corruption. He's spotless, which is one of the reasons the Clinton campaign and her media supporters have gone crazy over the Rev. Wright relationship. He seems to tell the truth, and hasn't been snagged by lies and the lies to cover them up. Contrast this to Clinton, who has consistently been caught in horrific lies just during this campaign. (including the Canada-NAFTA issue, where she accused Obama of lying, but was found out to be the liar. (and there's the part where she did, in fact, support NAFTA) Or, and my personal favorite, the recent debacle where she pointed to her 1996 visit to Bosnia as proof of her foreign-relations experience, and reconstructed the tale to make it sound so much more dangerous than it really was.)

(footnote: I'm sure there are other, possibly less-biased sources for these stories, and I get my news from lots of sources, but these dailykos articles/diaries are good at pulling everything together)

My heart was broken on March 20, 2003, when the US invaded Iraq. I have been against this war from the beginning, and, well, so has he. His unwavering stance on the war is a big part of why I currently support him.

His refusal to take campaign money from corporations, PAC's, or other special interest groups. His campaign is being funded by individual contributions, and he's consistently raised more money than anyone thought possible. Why is this a big deal? Because anyone with half a brain knows that Washington is largely run by back-room deal making and the cashing in on favors. Recent Florida news included mentions of a guy demanding the contributions he made to the Democratic Party unless they counted their delegates or held another election. He's a Clinton supporter, but most importantly, he demonstrates the power of money as a manipulation ploy. So, by refusing to take big money from big business, Obama has positioned himself to be more independent of their influence. Does this guarantee that he's not corrupt or corruptable? Perhaps not...but it does provide evidence that his actions are consistent with his words. (which is how some of us define integrity)

But there's something he's accomplishing that's much larger, much more important, and much more intangible. And it's the thing he's most  derided for. He is inspiring millions of people with his message of hope. In fact, despite the ridicule, he persists in focusing on his hope for a better nation, a better world. He dares to speak of hope when others call it foolish or empty or meaningless.

I think it's the most courageous part of what he's doing. And it's also the thing that is the most difficult for opponents to understand. Because it is stronger than the sinewy strands made up of fear and control that have dominated american politics and government for years. And it's untouchable by the common, petty, ignorant, bitchy, distasteful, lying, deceitful attacks that are so commonly used by competing politicians. In fact, it only makes those attacks even more clearly petty, bitchy, evil and gross.

It's my sense that people like me are responding to him because he believes in the goodness of people. He assumes we're better than business-as-usual. He speaks to the fragile, vital, sacred parts of ourselves that want to believe in a just world, where we can have leaders of integrity that serve the people over their own interests. He inspires belief in healing, in positive change, in truth and freedom. Instead of having to choose between the less of two evils, people like me feel as if there's someone and something we want to stand for. That's why we're turning out in record numbers all over the country to make this happen.

In truth, he is just a man. Capable of deceit and corruption and failure. He faces a huge mountain that may be impossible to climb. I've heard supporters claim that he was sent by god, or that he was the mountain of completeness that we were destined to reach. I haven't been swept away by that kind of religious fervor. What I have done is glimpsed a world where people care enough and believe in their own power enough to take real action. Because what will put him in office is not stealing two elections or buying his way in or being the stronger out of the bloody battle. What will put him in office is the confidence and, yes, hope, of americans who have the fucking balls to believe that perhaps an equitable and peaceful world is possible...that are willing to put skin in the game instead of letting someone else decide for them.

Complete failure is, of course, completely possible. And I'm willing to take the chance, and support someone who's gathering people together with a message of hope and healing, rather than campaigns of fear and lies.

So consider me ignorant or blinded, if you must. But don't underestimate the power of people whose hearts have been touched - for it is faith that is capable of moving mountains. 


Emily Dickinson:

HOPE is the thing with feathers   
That perches in the soul,   
And sings the tune without the words,   
And never stops at all,   
 
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm   
That could abash the little bird   
That kept so many warm.   
 
I’ve heard it in the chillest land,   
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,   
It asked a crumb of me.