These are the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing’s users. As in, they sit on the shelf to make you look smart or well-rounded. Bold the ones you've read.
Well, I'm not as well read as
oddharmonic, but I think I knew that already. :)
( The list... )
Well, I'm not as well read as
Last night I discovered that my 2nd favorite Thai food restaurant chain in Denver is not as vegetarian-friendly as previously thought. A and I went to Swing Thai for a late lunch, to work on a project scope for the MBD "Connectory" (although, we can't call it that, because the term is trademarked). The waiter informed us that the only options on the menu that are purely vegetarian are: fried spring rolls, Thai spring salad, peanut sauce with tofu or vegetables, and the curries. Everything else on the menu is made with either fish sauce or animal broth, and can't be made without it.
All this time, I've been eating fish sauce.
This is not a huge surprise, really...I assume that occassionaly, meat products will enter my system despite my best attempts at staying informed. We've even asked various servers whether the dish contains any animal products, and have always been told 'no.' I really think people don't relate to chicken broth or fish sauce as animal products. It's weird to me.
I feel disillusioned.
In other news:
All this time, I've been eating fish sauce.
This is not a huge surprise, really...I assume that occassionaly, meat products will enter my system despite my best attempts at staying informed. We've even asked various servers whether the dish contains any animal products, and have always been told 'no.' I really think people don't relate to chicken broth or fish sauce as animal products. It's weird to me.
I feel disillusioned.
In other news:
- My mother, Peri, Scott, A and I attended the ballet, "Where the Wild Things Are" on Sunday afternoon, in honor of my mother's birthday, which is March 2nd. This is the third ballet I've attended, and it was ... very cute. Fun to see the classic children's story translated to dance. And the costumes of the Wild Things were very fun.
- I really am working from home now, and feeling very much in the swing of things, finally. I've pissed off some instructors lately because of reigning them in a bit, but overall am having fun and getting all my work done.
- It's snowing again today. The snow finally melted in most places, and now we have a few inches already. (sigh)
- A is flying back to LA tonight. He'll pick up the RV from Z's house and mosey on back to Colorado. It'll be a 10-14 day trip, depending on whether he and Brent start building the turbine engine prototype. He's going to try and see Sylvi Faery in Phoenix, and I'm a little jealous - I've still never met her face-to-face, and I think she's a lovely creature. She and her gnome and his two little girls are living in a van in Arizona. Their wedding video is one of the coolest I've ever seen. I'm going to miss A. He's been so much happier and playful in these past few weeks. It'll be great for him to leave and have space again, and I look forward to more play and fun.
- It's the last day of February. One more month before we go to Europe. Need to start planning a few things, I think...ack! It's happening so quickly!! And I'm starting to get really excited again!
- Read some good Hugh Prather and am now reading "Born to Love" by Leo Buscaglia. Feeling very happy and confirmed and supported in my loving. I fail so many, many, many times to love well. But I still feel a little hope, which I'm grateful for.
- Location:home
- Mood:
content - Music:the scrape of the snow shovels
I've been so excited to finish Songlines, because it means I can read something else in my ever-growing stack of books to read. So yesterday on the plane I started Xenocide, the next Ender series I'm reading. Only, I want to finish it quickly as well, so I can start on Dune (which I've never read)
I had a full day of work. Now I retire with hot chocolate to see how the piggies and humans and Jane all fare.
I had a full day of work. Now I retire with hot chocolate to see how the piggies and humans and Jane all fare.
- Location:home
- Mood:
happy
It's quite an amazing thing to be flying through space above the clouds. Jasper still relates to the sky as being something impossible for us to reach. Funny how it seems so far above what we are capable of, but it seems nearly impossible to say exactly where that point is.
I'm on the plane flying back home to Denver. I have so much work awaiting me - really, I see no end to the work that awaits me. But I love the feeling of looking foward to that work. Feeling that what I'm doing is important, even if my part often seems so very small. Does everyone feel this way? Or is it just because the work I do is impossible for me alone to fully accomplish?
Now I'm sounding a bit more arrogant that I typically like to.
Yesterday, Mike explained some things to me about computer languages and how they interact. He's built a new language to expand Congo, our crazy rapid-development data framework. I think I tend to know more about computers than the average Jane, but I haven't a degree in computer science, and there are still huge gaps in my understanding of how all of this works. But I was grateful for the conversation, and my point is really this: I'm amazed by the brain power it has taken to create the systems we use today. The average user never thinks of how the hardware and software interact to give us the results we take for granted. Hell, I rarely think of such things. But it is this which gives me hope that perhaps some geeks, with their capacity to see the larger picture, to understand how each system and part interacts with the larger systems and parts, can help us translate that understanding to other systems we live in.
Part of my thinking is influenced by finishing Songlines, which I did just today. (In time to share it with Ethan, a cool geek from Eugene who's been building WagN) Chatwin proposes that the Austrailian Songlines, used by Indigenous peoples as a roadmap of the land (and oh, so much more than that) are not unique to Australia. That perhaps all people, when we first became humans, created these Songlines as we developed language and travelled across the earth. In Australia, a person who forgets their songline has lost themselves. They have no way to interact with others or to find their way. I think of how Daniel Quinn proposes that it was the agricultural revolution 10,000 years ago that transformed how we interacted with the land and others. That before then, ownership of land and people, and therefore the dominance of others, was not possible. Chatwin suggests that we are, by nature, nomadic people. What have we done to ourselves, to settle down, assert property rights and start the wars and trouble that come with attempting to dominate everything else? Did we all start out with Songlines, that assured us of who we are and where we come from; that ensure our safe passage through the land and the responsibility to provide that to others? And what have we lost in losing them?
It's hard for me to agree with people who think we are the most intellegent, most supreme species that has evolved. Instead of adapting to our environment, being a part of our environment, we have done so much to dominate it, to have some measure of power over it. And for what cost? If we continue down our current path, one half of the world's species will disappear within 50 years. We have no idea what we've done or the impact of it. Our raping of the earth and gobbling up of her resources has provided us with some certainty - we have changed it, forever. And we, as a species, may not survive that change.
I am confident that life will continue. That although the world as we've known it is changing, life will persist in some form. Whether we're a part of that form or not is left to be seen.
There are people who think that people like me, who have these thoughts are crazy. That I shouldn't have such a bleak view of the future. I recently shared with a friend my thoughts on having children, and how I believe it would be irresponsible of me at this point to bring a beautiful being into the world with the future so grim...and he became extremely annoyed, saying I shouldn't relate to the world that way.
I know I'm not the first to think these thoughts. I'm almost certain it's not the first time in human history people have imagined the end of things as we know it. But I feel compelled to do something about it. I don't know if I'll ever experience what I do as having a big impact. But I don't want to feel as if I've wasted my time here. It's such a beautiful world. I can't stand the thought of us ruining it.
We're about to land. This has taken a tangent I didn't expect, but there it is.
I'm on the plane flying back home to Denver. I have so much work awaiting me - really, I see no end to the work that awaits me. But I love the feeling of looking foward to that work. Feeling that what I'm doing is important, even if my part often seems so very small. Does everyone feel this way? Or is it just because the work I do is impossible for me alone to fully accomplish?
Now I'm sounding a bit more arrogant that I typically like to.
Yesterday, Mike explained some things to me about computer languages and how they interact. He's built a new language to expand Congo, our crazy rapid-development data framework. I think I tend to know more about computers than the average Jane, but I haven't a degree in computer science, and there are still huge gaps in my understanding of how all of this works. But I was grateful for the conversation, and my point is really this: I'm amazed by the brain power it has taken to create the systems we use today. The average user never thinks of how the hardware and software interact to give us the results we take for granted. Hell, I rarely think of such things. But it is this which gives me hope that perhaps some geeks, with their capacity to see the larger picture, to understand how each system and part interacts with the larger systems and parts, can help us translate that understanding to other systems we live in.
Part of my thinking is influenced by finishing Songlines, which I did just today. (In time to share it with Ethan, a cool geek from Eugene who's been building WagN) Chatwin proposes that the Austrailian Songlines, used by Indigenous peoples as a roadmap of the land (and oh, so much more than that) are not unique to Australia. That perhaps all people, when we first became humans, created these Songlines as we developed language and travelled across the earth. In Australia, a person who forgets their songline has lost themselves. They have no way to interact with others or to find their way. I think of how Daniel Quinn proposes that it was the agricultural revolution 10,000 years ago that transformed how we interacted with the land and others. That before then, ownership of land and people, and therefore the dominance of others, was not possible. Chatwin suggests that we are, by nature, nomadic people. What have we done to ourselves, to settle down, assert property rights and start the wars and trouble that come with attempting to dominate everything else? Did we all start out with Songlines, that assured us of who we are and where we come from; that ensure our safe passage through the land and the responsibility to provide that to others? And what have we lost in losing them?
It's hard for me to agree with people who think we are the most intellegent, most supreme species that has evolved. Instead of adapting to our environment, being a part of our environment, we have done so much to dominate it, to have some measure of power over it. And for what cost? If we continue down our current path, one half of the world's species will disappear within 50 years. We have no idea what we've done or the impact of it. Our raping of the earth and gobbling up of her resources has provided us with some certainty - we have changed it, forever. And we, as a species, may not survive that change.
I am confident that life will continue. That although the world as we've known it is changing, life will persist in some form. Whether we're a part of that form or not is left to be seen.
There are people who think that people like me, who have these thoughts are crazy. That I shouldn't have such a bleak view of the future. I recently shared with a friend my thoughts on having children, and how I believe it would be irresponsible of me at this point to bring a beautiful being into the world with the future so grim...and he became extremely annoyed, saying I shouldn't relate to the world that way.
I know I'm not the first to think these thoughts. I'm almost certain it's not the first time in human history people have imagined the end of things as we know it. But I feel compelled to do something about it. I don't know if I'll ever experience what I do as having a big impact. But I don't want to feel as if I've wasted my time here. It's such a beautiful world. I can't stand the thought of us ruining it.
We're about to land. This has taken a tangent I didn't expect, but there it is.
- Location:home
The weekend was an interesting one.
A and I returned from New York very late on Wednesday night. Cait gave us a ride home from the airport (thanks, cait!) and I didn't get to bed until almost 3 - stayed up late talking with A. Thursday and Friday I worked, although I was still exhausted and not worth much both days. Friday night I met D and some of his housemates at Herman's to see his friend playing. We didn't stay long, and bought ice cream on the way back. Saturday night, we watched "The Fountain," which I loved, despite it being weirdly repetitive. Very interesting to learn that I'm not the only one that wants to be buried with a tree planted on top.
On Saturday night I read the first three chapters of Ender's Game, and spent the morning and early afternoon of Sunday finishing it. It, like most of the books I've read the past three years, came highly recommended by A. I thoroughly enjoyed the book, and was quite happy to read a book in a day. Haven't taken the time to do that in ages, and it always feels very decadent. I recently finished Heinlein's I Will Fear No Evil, which I also adored. Sunday afternoon I took D home, and then came back here to spend some time alone.
Throughout the weekend, I also did laundry, went grocery shopping, cleaned out the fridge, and cleaned the house. Today I've gotten some GG work done, and am getting ready to make a bank deposit and go to the chiropractor. I have more GG work to do this afternoon, and then Cait and I are hanging out tonight.
This week is quite full. Hanging out with J on wednesday, possibly D on thursday, and then preparing for my travel adventure with my mom. She and I are taking a carribean cruise starting this weekend. Very much looking forward to being lazy and letting someone take care of me.
I know he hates it, but I miss A already, and won't see him for two weeks. :(
Now off to be productive again.
A and I returned from New York very late on Wednesday night. Cait gave us a ride home from the airport (thanks, cait!) and I didn't get to bed until almost 3 - stayed up late talking with A. Thursday and Friday I worked, although I was still exhausted and not worth much both days. Friday night I met D and some of his housemates at Herman's to see his friend playing. We didn't stay long, and bought ice cream on the way back. Saturday night, we watched "The Fountain," which I loved, despite it being weirdly repetitive. Very interesting to learn that I'm not the only one that wants to be buried with a tree planted on top.
On Saturday night I read the first three chapters of Ender's Game, and spent the morning and early afternoon of Sunday finishing it. It, like most of the books I've read the past three years, came highly recommended by A. I thoroughly enjoyed the book, and was quite happy to read a book in a day. Haven't taken the time to do that in ages, and it always feels very decadent. I recently finished Heinlein's I Will Fear No Evil, which I also adored. Sunday afternoon I took D home, and then came back here to spend some time alone.
Throughout the weekend, I also did laundry, went grocery shopping, cleaned out the fridge, and cleaned the house. Today I've gotten some GG work done, and am getting ready to make a bank deposit and go to the chiropractor. I have more GG work to do this afternoon, and then Cait and I are hanging out tonight.
This week is quite full. Hanging out with J on wednesday, possibly D on thursday, and then preparing for my travel adventure with my mom. She and I are taking a carribean cruise starting this weekend. Very much looking forward to being lazy and letting someone take care of me.
I know he hates it, but I miss A already, and won't see him for two weeks. :(
Now off to be productive again.
- Location:home
- Mood:
productive
This is a list of the 50 most significant science fiction/fantasy novels, 1953-2002, according to the Science Fiction Book Club.
Bold the ones you've read, strike-out the ones you hated, italicize those you started but never finished and underline the ones you loved.
I have meant to read more of these...
Bold the ones you've read, strike-out the ones you hated, italicize those you started but never finished and underline the ones you loved.
( Here's the list )
I have meant to read more of these...
Stolen from
edwarddain- Here's a list of 1001 books you 'have' to read before you die. Who comes up with these lists? What if I don't agree with them?
Anyway, I've bolded the ones I've read.
I guess I have a lot of reading to do.
Anyway, I've bolded the ones I've read.
( 1001 Books List )
I guess I have a lot of reading to do.
- Location:home
We arrived in Portland yesterday afternoon, and have been very busy since. My Mom, A and I got our rental car and stopped at the AAA office in Downtown to pick up some maps. Had lunch at a yummy pizza place in downtown that was strangely situated next to a light-rail stop. Then we found our way to Trillium Hollow, the co-housing community we're staying at. A's mom showed up about that time, and my mom and I went into downtown while Loree got the tour of the cool house. She has a community house also, and enjoys seeing how other communities do it.
While downtown, mom and I found some great items at a thirft store. I got a pair of jeans (that I should have hemmed), an awesome black jacket with laces in the back (hard to explain, but it's cool) and a very soft, vanilla-colored scarf. We then went to a store where i found THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DRESS I've ever worn. Black, strapless, perfectly form fitting to my body. But it was much more money than I like to spend on clothing. Especially clothing that I'll only wear once or twice a year. This dress! I still might return to get it, but I'm not sure...
We met up with Charles (our host at Trillium Hollow), A and Loree for dinner at a crazy burrito place called "The Laughing Planet." Charles then gave us a cool tour of parts of Portland - mostly, the Pearl District, which is the renewed urban warehouse district. Many cool things happening up here that I love - people endeavoring to live more sustainably, which is so cool. My mom and I also went to Powell's books after dinner, where I picked up some Native American issues books and some Hugh Prather. (Notes to Myself and another title for Loree)
This morning we were up early and had breakfast with Charles before going to the Saturday Market. What a cool place! I found a recycled bottle-cap pin that says, "I Love Geeks," two handmade fair-trade baskets from Ghana (one for knitting and another large basket with handles for shopping) a pair of Thai fishermen's pants (I had originally got a pair for A, but then found out that he wants wrap pants instead, so exchanged them for my size) a boomerang (also for A) and an awesome handmade purse.
We then traveled the long way to the Portland Farmer's Market, arriving toward the end when many of the stalls (mostly the berries and bread) were sold out. Picked up two varities of apples I've never heard of, some freshly made kettle-corn, and several jars of jams of various berry concoctions. (I Love Berries!)
Then A and Loree picked us up and we had lunch at a Thai place near Powell's books. (Can't remember name for now) The food was delicious, and afterwards we parted ways once again. My mom and I drove around several neighborhoods for a short while, and then came back to the house to nap for a bit before our next exursion.
After napping (only an hour, but I really needed it!) we went down the road to the Japanese Garden. Wow, it was beautiful. The layers of all shades of green were stunning. So many things to look at. I really love green growing things. After touring the garden, we went to the International Rose Test Garden, were they have hundreds of new varities of roses. Again, so beautiful. I couldn't help but think that my grandmother would have LOVED to see such a thing.
There's more to say about the day and the gardens, but I'm really tired. Going on a long day trip tomorrow to see Hood River (and the river gorge between here and there) followed by a trip to Canon Beach. My mom has never seen the Pacific Ocean. We're thinking of taking a triangular route to the shore, going through Tillamook on our way back. Should be very fun.
I'm enjoying traveling with my mom. It's still a bit weird for me to have A doing other things (he's at a burning man party tonight with his mom and charles) ... but I like doing the things I wanna do, too.
Still have plans to visit the Grotto and the Original Pancake House and hopefully see some other parts of Portland before we return on Monday.
While downtown, mom and I found some great items at a thirft store. I got a pair of jeans (that I should have hemmed), an awesome black jacket with laces in the back (hard to explain, but it's cool) and a very soft, vanilla-colored scarf. We then went to a store where i found THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DRESS I've ever worn. Black, strapless, perfectly form fitting to my body. But it was much more money than I like to spend on clothing. Especially clothing that I'll only wear once or twice a year. This dress! I still might return to get it, but I'm not sure...
We met up with Charles (our host at Trillium Hollow), A and Loree for dinner at a crazy burrito place called "The Laughing Planet." Charles then gave us a cool tour of parts of Portland - mostly, the Pearl District, which is the renewed urban warehouse district. Many cool things happening up here that I love - people endeavoring to live more sustainably, which is so cool. My mom and I also went to Powell's books after dinner, where I picked up some Native American issues books and some Hugh Prather. (Notes to Myself and another title for Loree)
This morning we were up early and had breakfast with Charles before going to the Saturday Market. What a cool place! I found a recycled bottle-cap pin that says, "I Love Geeks," two handmade fair-trade baskets from Ghana (one for knitting and another large basket with handles for shopping) a pair of Thai fishermen's pants (I had originally got a pair for A, but then found out that he wants wrap pants instead, so exchanged them for my size) a boomerang (also for A) and an awesome handmade purse.
We then traveled the long way to the Portland Farmer's Market, arriving toward the end when many of the stalls (mostly the berries and bread) were sold out. Picked up two varities of apples I've never heard of, some freshly made kettle-corn, and several jars of jams of various berry concoctions. (I Love Berries!)
Then A and Loree picked us up and we had lunch at a Thai place near Powell's books. (Can't remember name for now) The food was delicious, and afterwards we parted ways once again. My mom and I drove around several neighborhoods for a short while, and then came back to the house to nap for a bit before our next exursion.
After napping (only an hour, but I really needed it!) we went down the road to the Japanese Garden. Wow, it was beautiful. The layers of all shades of green were stunning. So many things to look at. I really love green growing things. After touring the garden, we went to the International Rose Test Garden, were they have hundreds of new varities of roses. Again, so beautiful. I couldn't help but think that my grandmother would have LOVED to see such a thing.
There's more to say about the day and the gardens, but I'm really tired. Going on a long day trip tomorrow to see Hood River (and the river gorge between here and there) followed by a trip to Canon Beach. My mom has never seen the Pacific Ocean. We're thinking of taking a triangular route to the shore, going through Tillamook on our way back. Should be very fun.
I'm enjoying traveling with my mom. It's still a bit weird for me to have A doing other things (he's at a burning man party tonight with his mom and charles) ... but I like doing the things I wanna do, too.
Still have plans to visit the Grotto and the Original Pancake House and hopefully see some other parts of Portland before we return on Monday.
- Location:Trillium Hollow
- Mood:
tired
I keep meaning to update this thing, but I've just been too busy. I'm still too busy, but feel like I'll forget if I wait another two weeks.
Here are the major updates / changes:
Here are the major updates / changes:
- I went to Detroit on the 7th for Bernie's Memorial service. So sad to lose him, and so unexpected. Moved by how much he was loved and respected. My favorite story shared at the memorial: Bernie was a professor of rhetoric for 35 years. One grad student of his shared that a few years ago he was teaching in a class (specifically, discussing a passage of scripture from different perspectives) when a woman snipped, "Gays don't read the Bible." Without missing a beat, Bernie said "Well I'm gay, and I read the Bible." ... Bernie never told his students whether the statement was 'true' or 'false' ... He was so committed to equality and dialogue that mattered that he was willing to put his ass Met more of A's family and friends. Toured some of his old haunts, including houses he lived in and schools he attended. A is doing really well, considering. Met Barley for the first time ever - she's lovely. A is returning next week to keep working on settling Bernie's estate. I hope it goes smoothly for him.
- While in Michigan, we drove to Windsor, Canada. My first time there. Almost got stuck - we only had our driver's licenses, and they almost didn't let us back in.
- I have a huge crush on a very cool guy. More later.
- I read "The Time Traveler's Wife" while traveling. Loved it. Should say more later.
Last night I finished reading Paulo Coelho's newest book, The Zahir, while soaking in an extra hot bath with the company of a spider. (Who was still there this morning. Perhaps it's a spider spa??)
It was absolutely beautiful. But you should only read it if you're willing to challenge your assumptions about love.
It was absolutely beautiful. But you should only read it if you're willing to challenge your assumptions about love.
Today I am in Boston, exploring the city on my own. A left this morning at 4:30 am to see his father in Florida, who's recovering from a nasty staph infection. It's cut our trip together short, and although I support his decision to go there, I still wish he hadn't. Oh well, that's that.
The hotel room I stayed in last night and will stay in again tonight is absolutely crazy - quite a deal for $55 a night, and now I know why. The heater only works when the motion censor is detecting movement. Meaning, the room is ice cold when you first go into it, and the temperature drops significantly at night. I'll be headed back to NY tomorrow, staying with an acquaintance near the Rhode Island border before crossing back into the city on Monday. A will return on Wednesday morning, and we head back to Denver on Wednesday night.
It's really cold here. It's supposed to snow a foot tonight, which sucks for me...driving in a city I don't know. I'm using the subway to get around right now - that and walking.
I walked through an old cemetery this morning and took some photos, feeling as if I was violating some unposted rule and glancing something about the life of people gone long ago. One set of worn-down tombstones told a story of a mother and child - a little boy, dead at age three. His mother died only five years later in her 30's. Others were inscribed with information about their deaths, some taken during disease epidemics and others very old for their time.
I wandered around a bookstore for almost an hour, and then searched the theatre district for a show playing today. It seems I have come during the worst possible weekend, as I could find no theatre playing anything other than movies. I might go see "Brave New World" later this afternoon.
There are people protesting in Boston Commons, right across the street. I think they are members of the something-Falun Gong religious group. I read in the paper that the group is protesting in San Francisco because they were not allowed to participate in the Chinese New Year parade because of their political leanings.
I experience a strange conflict within myself while around such historic places. On one hand, I am the proud american, fascinated by history and the struggle with which the settlers, pioneers and colonialists created the nation I live in today. On the other, my native american senses are raging. Didn't they know what they were doing? How can I be proud of one part of myself - as much myself as the other parts - when it is that part that helped in the annihilation of another? If I am to be a voice for modern American Indians, must I disavow the American in me? I am socialized to be american...there is so little left of my Potawatomi heritage's stories, rituals and knowledge. And what there is, I know very little. I want to learn more about the founding fathers, the history of this place and the places I've been...but I can't help but think of the plight of the people who came before.
It's so very cold here.
I've noticed some things I didn't expect about the North East. For one thing, people seem so much more materialistic. Not necessarily in a shallow way...but people have so much more stuff, and pretty stuff, but yeah...stuff. I wonder if I live in a place where the people have no style, or where they're all poor and trashy, or if the people here are shallower than people in the West. But somehow, I can't believe that is the only story. Arthur had an interesting theory when he said that the west has a much younger history, began by pioneers who traveled across the country with what they could carry, while NEasterners have had more time and opportunity to collect and pass on material objects. It's not that I don't like stuff - I love beautiful things and I appreciate the use of them...but I so don't CARE enough to collect them. If I had more money I know I would have more things - there are still things I want, even if I don't need them. But just buying things is not enough reason for me to change my lifestyle enough to be making lots of money just to get them.
There's a mounted policeperson in the park now. I wonder if they're going to get rid of the protesters. I hope not. It's bad enough to have to protest about something, let alone to be squashed for protesting about being shut up in the first place.
Something else has been on my mind - religion and god. Eric is a Quaker, and said to me the other day, "maybe you are a Quaker." He doesn't say such things lightly, and Quakers are not evangelical. So I did some internet research on Quakerism, and have become very confronted about my fears in regard to religion and god. I don't want to place god inside of some box of 'knowing.' I think we are all capable of experiencing the divine, but I don't think there is any real way of knowing or understanding the divine enough to be able to ....pretend that we know all of it. It's like our incapacity to see our own faces without the help of a mirror - and then, it's only a reflection of the real thing. Maybe that's what religion is supposed to be - a mirror so we can know something about the divine. I don't even want to use the word "god" in a serious way. I don't want to be known as being religious. I don't want to identify as christian - or, much of anything, for that matter. Do I want an experience of the divine? Yes. Yes and yes and yes.
I spoke with A about this, and mentioned that I don't want to be 'worshipping god,' because for me, worship entails a kind of submission that requires some admission to not being enough - to needing something from god, whether grace or blessing - that we are somehow deficient. That forms of worship for me meant prayer or reading the bible or singing or dancing or following rites and rituals. A laughed at me and said that he thinks worship is 'holding sacred that which is sacred.' I responded that I do that all the time - I just don't think of it as worship. He responded, "maybe you should."
And so there is a great turbulence inside of me. About so many things, but especially this. What does it mean of me if I claim a religion, especially a christian one? What am I giving up, and is it worth what I then gain?
Quakers have programmed and unprogrammed meetings - and the unprogrammed meetings are when the entire group sits in silence, until someone is moved to say something. It has no creed or clergy, and the more liberal Quakers do not view the bible as the final word of god, but rather one expression of divine inspiration, which is something I too believe. They strive toward radical honesty, are focused on self-sufficiency and community, and believe that we all have the divine light within ourselves that allow us to experience the divine.
I can't stop thinking about this. And it's amazing how many people are staring at me through the window of the cafe I'm sitting in. Perhaps they think I'm strange for having a laptop. I mean, this is Boston - do people not carry laptops in Boston?
I forgot to mention that I finished my book on the plane ride from Denver, "Self-made Man." I loved it. I highly recommend it to anyone.
I'm now reading "The Tall Stones" by Moyra Caldecott. I bought a book of short stories by Barbara Kingslover today in the bookstore I hung out in. I'm trying to not buy too many books on this trip - there are so many I have that I've never read. But i love books and I'll be hanging out in my room tomorrow anyway while it's snowing and blowing.
I don't want to be buried in a cemetery or any of that. I'd like to be buried directly into the earth. let my bones be scattered. Let them return to dust easily, quickly. Let there be no grossly preserved remnants of skin and teeth and hair. Let the beetles pick me apart, the worms turn me into dirt. Even better, plant a tree on top of my grave, one that can grow tall and strong, and spend its days feeling the sun on its leaves and the wind blowing through its branches. I'll be tree food - my bones will become wood and my blood sap. Let that be my memorial, my gift to the earth that has gifted itself to me. And if you want, write a poem about me, and give that poem to the tree with your tears.
The hotel room I stayed in last night and will stay in again tonight is absolutely crazy - quite a deal for $55 a night, and now I know why. The heater only works when the motion censor is detecting movement. Meaning, the room is ice cold when you first go into it, and the temperature drops significantly at night. I'll be headed back to NY tomorrow, staying with an acquaintance near the Rhode Island border before crossing back into the city on Monday. A will return on Wednesday morning, and we head back to Denver on Wednesday night.
It's really cold here. It's supposed to snow a foot tonight, which sucks for me...driving in a city I don't know. I'm using the subway to get around right now - that and walking.
I walked through an old cemetery this morning and took some photos, feeling as if I was violating some unposted rule and glancing something about the life of people gone long ago. One set of worn-down tombstones told a story of a mother and child - a little boy, dead at age three. His mother died only five years later in her 30's. Others were inscribed with information about their deaths, some taken during disease epidemics and others very old for their time.
I wandered around a bookstore for almost an hour, and then searched the theatre district for a show playing today. It seems I have come during the worst possible weekend, as I could find no theatre playing anything other than movies. I might go see "Brave New World" later this afternoon.
There are people protesting in Boston Commons, right across the street. I think they are members of the something-Falun Gong religious group. I read in the paper that the group is protesting in San Francisco because they were not allowed to participate in the Chinese New Year parade because of their political leanings.
I experience a strange conflict within myself while around such historic places. On one hand, I am the proud american, fascinated by history and the struggle with which the settlers, pioneers and colonialists created the nation I live in today. On the other, my native american senses are raging. Didn't they know what they were doing? How can I be proud of one part of myself - as much myself as the other parts - when it is that part that helped in the annihilation of another? If I am to be a voice for modern American Indians, must I disavow the American in me? I am socialized to be american...there is so little left of my Potawatomi heritage's stories, rituals and knowledge. And what there is, I know very little. I want to learn more about the founding fathers, the history of this place and the places I've been...but I can't help but think of the plight of the people who came before.
It's so very cold here.
I've noticed some things I didn't expect about the North East. For one thing, people seem so much more materialistic. Not necessarily in a shallow way...but people have so much more stuff, and pretty stuff, but yeah...stuff. I wonder if I live in a place where the people have no style, or where they're all poor and trashy, or if the people here are shallower than people in the West. But somehow, I can't believe that is the only story. Arthur had an interesting theory when he said that the west has a much younger history, began by pioneers who traveled across the country with what they could carry, while NEasterners have had more time and opportunity to collect and pass on material objects. It's not that I don't like stuff - I love beautiful things and I appreciate the use of them...but I so don't CARE enough to collect them. If I had more money I know I would have more things - there are still things I want, even if I don't need them. But just buying things is not enough reason for me to change my lifestyle enough to be making lots of money just to get them.
There's a mounted policeperson in the park now. I wonder if they're going to get rid of the protesters. I hope not. It's bad enough to have to protest about something, let alone to be squashed for protesting about being shut up in the first place.
Something else has been on my mind - religion and god. Eric is a Quaker, and said to me the other day, "maybe you are a Quaker." He doesn't say such things lightly, and Quakers are not evangelical. So I did some internet research on Quakerism, and have become very confronted about my fears in regard to religion and god. I don't want to place god inside of some box of 'knowing.' I think we are all capable of experiencing the divine, but I don't think there is any real way of knowing or understanding the divine enough to be able to ....pretend that we know all of it. It's like our incapacity to see our own faces without the help of a mirror - and then, it's only a reflection of the real thing. Maybe that's what religion is supposed to be - a mirror so we can know something about the divine. I don't even want to use the word "god" in a serious way. I don't want to be known as being religious. I don't want to identify as christian - or, much of anything, for that matter. Do I want an experience of the divine? Yes. Yes and yes and yes.
I spoke with A about this, and mentioned that I don't want to be 'worshipping god,' because for me, worship entails a kind of submission that requires some admission to not being enough - to needing something from god, whether grace or blessing - that we are somehow deficient. That forms of worship for me meant prayer or reading the bible or singing or dancing or following rites and rituals. A laughed at me and said that he thinks worship is 'holding sacred that which is sacred.' I responded that I do that all the time - I just don't think of it as worship. He responded, "maybe you should."
And so there is a great turbulence inside of me. About so many things, but especially this. What does it mean of me if I claim a religion, especially a christian one? What am I giving up, and is it worth what I then gain?
Quakers have programmed and unprogrammed meetings - and the unprogrammed meetings are when the entire group sits in silence, until someone is moved to say something. It has no creed or clergy, and the more liberal Quakers do not view the bible as the final word of god, but rather one expression of divine inspiration, which is something I too believe. They strive toward radical honesty, are focused on self-sufficiency and community, and believe that we all have the divine light within ourselves that allow us to experience the divine.
I can't stop thinking about this. And it's amazing how many people are staring at me through the window of the cafe I'm sitting in. Perhaps they think I'm strange for having a laptop. I mean, this is Boston - do people not carry laptops in Boston?
I forgot to mention that I finished my book on the plane ride from Denver, "Self-made Man." I loved it. I highly recommend it to anyone.
I'm now reading "The Tall Stones" by Moyra Caldecott. I bought a book of short stories by Barbara Kingslover today in the bookstore I hung out in. I'm trying to not buy too many books on this trip - there are so many I have that I've never read. But i love books and I'll be hanging out in my room tomorrow anyway while it's snowing and blowing.
I don't want to be buried in a cemetery or any of that. I'd like to be buried directly into the earth. let my bones be scattered. Let them return to dust easily, quickly. Let there be no grossly preserved remnants of skin and teeth and hair. Let the beetles pick me apart, the worms turn me into dirt. Even better, plant a tree on top of my grave, one that can grow tall and strong, and spend its days feeling the sun on its leaves and the wind blowing through its branches. I'll be tree food - my bones will become wood and my blood sap. Let that be my memorial, my gift to the earth that has gifted itself to me. And if you want, write a poem about me, and give that poem to the tree with your tears.
- Mood:
peaceful - Music:Alanis Morisette's Unplugged Jagged Little Pill Album
I still have so many things to say about my trip and the time coming back, but I don't know if I'll get around to it. So I'll say something now...
( more stuff about the West Coast Road Trip 2.0 )
It was good to come home. A great trip, filled with knitting and new people and scheming and rain, and I liked sleeping in my own bed. A and I haven't slept in the same bed since we got back, which is not surprising for either one of us. It's good to love and adore someone, and also good to have my own space.
I've been reading Paulo Coelho's By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. I love his writing, and this is no exception. It's definitely challenging my notions of spirituality, religion, and love and leaving. I've been coming to terms (only a bit) with my anger, disappointment, and feelings of betrayal by my old religion. What I've realized is that Yes, I do want to believe that there is a loving entity of which we are a part, that connects us, that was powerful enough to create the universe, that was created with the universe, that loves me and cares what I do and who I am. That champions for my brilliance. But, I don't want to be one of those stupid people that prays to it. That thinks that all good things comes from it. That relys on it for guidance and hope.
It's as if I don't want to be duped again. That something so sacred as my spiritual expression is now locked away into a very safe space - so it can not be corrupted, it can not be toyed with again. I reclaimed my control of its expression, but have locked it away so tightly that I am afraid to open the door again.
And there are things I've learned. I've learned that there are ways I can reach the Divine that seem real. Being around the redwoods. Seeing the sun rise. Watching the moon light. A baby's smile. The warmth of a hand and of generosity. But for me these things are separate from going to a church or other building of religion and having old men tell me what I should do, think, or how I should pray. I admire Jesus and who he was, what he created. But I want nothing to do with the bastardization of his teachings. Do I think there are authentic Christians? Sure, some. and I think most people are doing the best they can with what they've got. But I know better, don't you see?
I still don't have all of this sorted out. Perhaps there is still forgiveness to take place. Or maybe I've gotten haughty in my old age, and just need to ... I don't know.
There is more to say, but I have to leave the coffee shop now. Hopefully I can write more this weekend, and I should be finishing the book very soon. I'm on a reading cycle again; there is so much I want to devour.
I also want to remember to write about our time with Tim and Holly at the Italian Restaurant the other night. And my love affair with pommagranates. And dancing with Mark. And ... yeah. So much more to say.
( more stuff about the West Coast Road Trip 2.0 )
It was good to come home. A great trip, filled with knitting and new people and scheming and rain, and I liked sleeping in my own bed. A and I haven't slept in the same bed since we got back, which is not surprising for either one of us. It's good to love and adore someone, and also good to have my own space.
I've been reading Paulo Coelho's By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. I love his writing, and this is no exception. It's definitely challenging my notions of spirituality, religion, and love and leaving. I've been coming to terms (only a bit) with my anger, disappointment, and feelings of betrayal by my old religion. What I've realized is that Yes, I do want to believe that there is a loving entity of which we are a part, that connects us, that was powerful enough to create the universe, that was created with the universe, that loves me and cares what I do and who I am. That champions for my brilliance. But, I don't want to be one of those stupid people that prays to it. That thinks that all good things comes from it. That relys on it for guidance and hope.
It's as if I don't want to be duped again. That something so sacred as my spiritual expression is now locked away into a very safe space - so it can not be corrupted, it can not be toyed with again. I reclaimed my control of its expression, but have locked it away so tightly that I am afraid to open the door again.
And there are things I've learned. I've learned that there are ways I can reach the Divine that seem real. Being around the redwoods. Seeing the sun rise. Watching the moon light. A baby's smile. The warmth of a hand and of generosity. But for me these things are separate from going to a church or other building of religion and having old men tell me what I should do, think, or how I should pray. I admire Jesus and who he was, what he created. But I want nothing to do with the bastardization of his teachings. Do I think there are authentic Christians? Sure, some. and I think most people are doing the best they can with what they've got. But I know better, don't you see?
I still don't have all of this sorted out. Perhaps there is still forgiveness to take place. Or maybe I've gotten haughty in my old age, and just need to ... I don't know.
There is more to say, but I have to leave the coffee shop now. Hopefully I can write more this weekend, and I should be finishing the book very soon. I'm on a reading cycle again; there is so much I want to devour.
I also want to remember to write about our time with Tim and Holly at the Italian Restaurant the other night. And my love affair with pommagranates. And dancing with Mark. And ... yeah. So much more to say.
- Mood:
melancholy
I've been rather lazy. I don't want to spend a lot of time giving updates right now, but I have been spending time on my personal web site today, and I wanted to say that.
I've been eating too much food, and haven't exercised since we started traveling. I'm really starting to feel it in my ass. I'll have to talk to A about going for a walk in the morning.
I must say, however, that I loved our time in Portland. It now ranks in my top 5 cities of all time list. (That doesn't really exist except for inside my head) I like the mix of old and new, if that makes sense.
Before we left, Brenda gave me a holiday gift of knitting needles, yarn, and a book entitled, "Tough Girls Don't Knit." I haven't read much in the book, but I have been knitting. Two women I've met on the trip, Jean and Julie, are knitters, and both said, "You have to learn the right way to do this!"... they knit German Style, which I finally learned from Julie and have been practicing ever since. We went to a yarn store in Portland and I bought the most soft, beautiful chenille yarn, and am making a long scarf out of it. So far, I have only 5 inches completed, but I'm really getting the hang of the knit stich, german style. Perling is still a bit difficult for me, so I can't go as quickly. I love knitting!
I hope to say more about our trip later. For now, I'll simply say that I hope you all had a very merry holiday weekend!
I've been eating too much food, and haven't exercised since we started traveling. I'm really starting to feel it in my ass. I'll have to talk to A about going for a walk in the morning.
I must say, however, that I loved our time in Portland. It now ranks in my top 5 cities of all time list. (That doesn't really exist except for inside my head) I like the mix of old and new, if that makes sense.
Before we left, Brenda gave me a holiday gift of knitting needles, yarn, and a book entitled, "Tough Girls Don't Knit." I haven't read much in the book, but I have been knitting. Two women I've met on the trip, Jean and Julie, are knitters, and both said, "You have to learn the right way to do this!"... they knit German Style, which I finally learned from Julie and have been practicing ever since. We went to a yarn store in Portland and I bought the most soft, beautiful chenille yarn, and am making a long scarf out of it. So far, I have only 5 inches completed, but I'm really getting the hang of the knit stich, german style. Perling is still a bit difficult for me, so I can't go as quickly. I love knitting!
I hope to say more about our trip later. For now, I'll simply say that I hope you all had a very merry holiday weekend!
- Mood:
sleepy
I just finished watching "Being John Malcovich" for the second time in my life. It was much funnier the second time. I think I have a better sense of humor now.
The special features include a vignette on "An Intimate Portrait of the Art of Background Driving" Wow, I didn't know such things existed. The art, or the film of it.
And I don't know if I spelled Vignette correctly or not. Sorry, but despite my french heritage, I speak not a word, really. All the french I learned in school was subsequently replaced with spanish pronounciation. So I know a french poem by Victor Hugo, but am not confident that I can actually make the french pronounciation.
I drank a glass and a half of wine tonight, over the course of three hours. Nonetheless, I am very warmed from it.
This afternoon I went to see "Walk the Line," the new Johnny Cash movie. Loved it.
Still reading "Son of a Witch." Hopefully I can finish up some of the eight books I'm in the middle of reading before getting started on something else.
I have eleven people attending a dinner on thursday. Vegetarian feast. Yay for pumpkins!
The special features include a vignette on "An Intimate Portrait of the Art of Background Driving" Wow, I didn't know such things existed. The art, or the film of it.
And I don't know if I spelled Vignette correctly or not. Sorry, but despite my french heritage, I speak not a word, really. All the french I learned in school was subsequently replaced with spanish pronounciation. So I know a french poem by Victor Hugo, but am not confident that I can actually make the french pronounciation.
I drank a glass and a half of wine tonight, over the course of three hours. Nonetheless, I am very warmed from it.
This afternoon I went to see "Walk the Line," the new Johnny Cash movie. Loved it.
Still reading "Son of a Witch." Hopefully I can finish up some of the eight books I'm in the middle of reading before getting started on something else.
I have eleven people attending a dinner on thursday. Vegetarian feast. Yay for pumpkins!
- Mood:
weird - Music:David Letterman's "The Late Show"
A few years ago, I read Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead." Having come from a religious context that views humans as inherently immoral, sinful and basically repugnant (and thus needing salvation), her exhaltation of the human was of great interest to me. I then read "Atlas Shrugged" and "Anthem" (which I still admire)
I spent about a year being convinced that her viewpoints were some of the best out there. It took a while of other learning to round out my own opinions about humans, our role on the planet, and what possible ways of living I most agreed with.
During this time, I viewed socialists as impractical idealists that refused to admit that there were better people out there than others, and that the world was a place in which you had to fight for what you got. And I made fun of them.
Funny how life reminds you of those not-so-brilliant moments.
I don't often use labels to describe me and my ideas - I find that so often, no one thing accurately describes the entirety of what I think or how I live. Besides that, there are so many ways to look at things, and I still find they evolve all around for me. But I thought this test was interesting.
( Political Test Results )
I spent about a year being convinced that her viewpoints were some of the best out there. It took a while of other learning to round out my own opinions about humans, our role on the planet, and what possible ways of living I most agreed with.
During this time, I viewed socialists as impractical idealists that refused to admit that there were better people out there than others, and that the world was a place in which you had to fight for what you got. And I made fun of them.
Funny how life reminds you of those not-so-brilliant moments.
I don't often use labels to describe me and my ideas - I find that so often, no one thing accurately describes the entirety of what I think or how I live. Besides that, there are so many ways to look at things, and I still find they evolve all around for me. But I thought this test was interesting.
( Political Test Results )
- Mood:
amused
I have so much work to do, but there are some things on my mind I'd like to write more about sometime. They are:
Thoughts on "Free At Last: The Sudbury Valley School" which I just finished reading. A school with no classes, no age segregation, no locks, no fences, no teachers, no grades, no tests, none of that. And the impact it's had on the kids who've attended. And how cool I think the whole thing is. (For instance, did you know it takes less than 100 hours to teach reading, writing, and basic math skills to an eager student?)
Thoughts on the conversation at my wisdom coursework party last night - specifically, about relationships and how women can be mistrustful of other women, for fear of them 'stealing their boyfriend.' I said something I didn't expect to:
C: I try to give him the freedom to do what he wants (speaking of her lover)
Me: It's not your job to "give him freedom." You can't give him freedom...he already has it. Your job, if there is one, is to be yourself and to love him. That's it!
I surprised myself with that one.
Thoughts on creativity and art. A said the other day, as I was struggling trying to find some 'talent' that I could share at the next wisdom event that art is finding something that moves me, and creating a way to express that in a way that moves other people. I swear to god I grew up under a rock, because I never thought of it in that way before. It seems so easy! There are lots of things that move me. I want to write more about that so I can create something for the next weekend.
That's it. Off to work. I'm avoiding doing the quarterly taxes because my first shot at them was strange. However, I've eaten my oatmeal and am ready to do ... something productive.
Thoughts on "Free At Last: The Sudbury Valley School" which I just finished reading. A school with no classes, no age segregation, no locks, no fences, no teachers, no grades, no tests, none of that. And the impact it's had on the kids who've attended. And how cool I think the whole thing is. (For instance, did you know it takes less than 100 hours to teach reading, writing, and basic math skills to an eager student?)
Thoughts on the conversation at my wisdom coursework party last night - specifically, about relationships and how women can be mistrustful of other women, for fear of them 'stealing their boyfriend.' I said something I didn't expect to:
C: I try to give him the freedom to do what he wants (speaking of her lover)
Me: It's not your job to "give him freedom." You can't give him freedom...he already has it. Your job, if there is one, is to be yourself and to love him. That's it!
I surprised myself with that one.
Thoughts on creativity and art. A said the other day, as I was struggling trying to find some 'talent' that I could share at the next wisdom event that art is finding something that moves me, and creating a way to express that in a way that moves other people. I swear to god I grew up under a rock, because I never thought of it in that way before. It seems so easy! There are lots of things that move me. I want to write more about that so I can create something for the next weekend.
That's it. Off to work. I'm avoiding doing the quarterly taxes because my first shot at them was strange. However, I've eaten my oatmeal and am ready to do ... something productive.
- Mood:
cheerful
